Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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