No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize