Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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