If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize