..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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