I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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