i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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