I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
