just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize