It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
