My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize