Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
