I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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