fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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