I got chris browned last night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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