Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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