Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
