i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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