I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
