My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
