Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
