no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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