D3 body, D1 cock
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize