Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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