She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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