Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
