Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
