is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
