I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my shit smells like andre
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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