is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize