i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
