So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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