Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
