apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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