It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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