Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
