Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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