once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
