Duck Duck Cougar?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
