I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
