I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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