Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
