she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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