I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How does one acquire holy water?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
