wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
