the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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