I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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