I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
