I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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