Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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