people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
