why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
