Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
