non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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