talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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