she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
