So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
