My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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