I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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