at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she smelled like a LAN party
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
