mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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