I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
