do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
