im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
