I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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