Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
