Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
