1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
