I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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