i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They have beer where we have blood.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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