I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
