PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
