How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
sex in a hospital.. check
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
