you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Someone signed my nipple.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
