He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
