omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
