i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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