We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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