4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
