Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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