I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
