Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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