how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
