I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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