your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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