we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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