i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
