A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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