I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
