Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
