sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
