She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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