You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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