Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
